Sunday, July 20, 2014

The VERY Awkward First Episode Of Dating Naked - 'I'm Worried About Getting, You Know, A Little Excited'

The contestants on the first episode of VH1's reality show Dating Naked, in which couples court in the nude, were primarily concerned with one thing: where to keep their eyes.

The first daters, Joe, 24, and Wee Wee, 36, who would each go out with two other people during the course of the episode, exchanged brief hellos before taking off all their clothes and reconvening on an empty, remote beach for their initial rendezvous.

'I'm most worried about getting a little excited, you know?' Joe said as he stripped down. 'I will just try not to think about it. I'll probably think about elephants or like monkeys or something like that - and just look her straight in the eye.'

Upon initially getting a full view of each others' birthday suits, it's obvious how awkward they both feel - though neither attempts to shield their blurred-for-television parts with their hands.

After a second of nervous laughter, they lean in for a painful-to-watch hug, in which only their shoulders and arms touch.

Joe then says: 'What the hell is going on? It's like you're naked and I'm naked, and I didn't even get to buy you a drink first.'

After the meeting, the show cuts to a confessional, and Joe admits he definitely saw Wee Wee 'checking [him] out' and 'staring at [his] genitals.'

Wee Wee, who admits she hasn't had sex in more than a year, then contradicts him in her own private confession: 'I didn't even focus on the penis. I just saw his testicles and was like, "Uhh, now where should I look?"'

But they soon get even more of an eyeful: For their ocean-side date, the couple Zorbed around the sand and in the water.

Zorbs are giant, see-through balls (this show makes it too easy), in which people can roll around inside. The contraptions ensure you get an all-angle view of the person inside.

'My first thought when I saw the ball was, "What if I have to fart?"' Joe said. 'I'm gonna hold it in. I mean, you can hold it in. But it looks like fun.'

Joe and Wee Wee go in one at a time, and as one of them tumbles around, the other pushes from the outside.

The show then takes an emotional turn, when they go back to chairs on the beach, and both Wee Wee and Joe talk about what they want in a partner. Wee Wee, more than anything, wants children.

Wee Wee starts crying during her confessional when she brings up the possibility of not having kids. 'I really want a family of my owns,' she says.

Then Joe drops his own shocking news: He got married when he was 19, divorced five months later, and then got bacterial meningitis.

The night goes well, but Joe and Wee Wee still have two more dates to go on.

The next day, Joe meets Jasmine, a gorgeous 20-something from Israel. He says that Jasmine's beauty definitely takes his mind off Wee Wee, especially as they go boogie boarding - an activity he calls 'very sexual.'

Meanwhile, Wee Wee meets Jack, a zany 20-something. She immediately notices he's pale and not completely naked: he's wearing Converse tennis shoes. Wee Wee is turned off.

The pair has a date making body art. They pour paint over one another and Wee Wee can't help but notice that 'Jack is packing.' Still, she can't take her mind off Joe.

All four of the daters later meet up for an intimate, clothed drinks and dinner, and Wee Wee is nervous Jasmine will 'be skinny' or 'have big boobs.' Unfortunately, both her fears are realized.

Before any food is even eaten, Joe and Jasmine are naked in the pool together, as a sad Wee Wee looks on.

For their third and final dates, Joe goes out with Chrissy and Wee Wee meets Justice.

The first couple does high-speed water sports, while the latter goes bird-watching.

While Joe finds Chrissy, who's a professional violinist, 'beautiful,' the pair lacks the spark of the first two dates. It's obvious Jasmine is still on Joe's mind.

Justice, when he meets Wee Wee, immediately tells her she's 'tiny and pretty' and she says she finds him handsome, but, again, the sparks don't fly as they walk through the jungle.

'His bird was the only bird that I actually saw today,' said Wee Wee of Justice's, ahem, anatomy.

Now all six of the contestants go back to the villa, and drama ensues. Will Joe pick Jasmine over Wee Wee? Will Jasmine hit on Justice? Will any of the other contestants get together once they see each other naked? And, most importantly, will Jack remove his Chuck Taylors?

Watch the entire episode on

Jasmine steals Joe away from the rest of the group for some one on one attention.

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